I have a great friend that I will call S. (Namely because her name starts with S!;)   She never apologizes. Wait, that isn't entirely true. She apologizes when she's at fault for something. If she spills your drink she will say "I'm sorry." If you are at lunch together and they mess up your order she will say something like "oh no. That stinks." Or "here, I will share mine with you." I love this about her. She doesn't apologize in that situation because it's clearly not her fault. She did nothing wrong.

I am the opposite. I apologize for EVERYTHING. Not because I think everything is my fault- if the waiter brought her the wrong lunch I would say "I'm so sorry. Here have some of mine." Same meaning but the words are entirely different. You can be sorry that something happened to someone without taking the blame for it. I know nobody thinks it's my fault when a burger comes out and you ordered a BLT. I get that. But why do I lean toward taking blame when something clearly is out of my control? This probably isn't my biggest flaw- but I'm under a microscope these days y'all.

My boys have started apologizing for things they didn't do. BIG can be playing and if his brother falls down near him he says "I'm sorry!"- implying guilt. He did nothing wrong. Or when LITTLE trips and says "I sowwy." Again, he did nothing wrong. No need to apologize.

But they learned it from me. I'm not teaching them a. The appropriate meaning of "I'm sorry." Or b. The appropriate time to say I'm sorry. So while it breaks my heart when one of my cubs falls- "I'm sorry" really isn't the right thing to say. (Although I am sad that happened!) Especially when I'm trying to teach them language, sympathy, and empathy.

I want their "I'm sorry" to be sincere. I want it to be used when they are at fault. I want them to know how to properly use the phrase. So I am sorry that I haven't been a better example for them when it comes to apologizing. I'm working on it. Today I haven't said it once. That is huge for me.

What do you think? Are you an over-apologizer?

Matie
5/8/2014 08:03:15

I tend to do this all the time. Todd is always telling me it's not my fault so you don't have to say it.

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Christy
5/8/2014 10:11:51

I do the same thing and I have heard you do it too but you are right..I knew it wasn't your fault but took it as "you are my friend and I care about you so I'm sorry that happened to you". Hmm something to think about. It is all in the words you use.

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Heather
5/8/2014 10:27:44

Good job! Their "sorrys" make me sad:(

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HH
5/8/2014 12:49:10

I personally love saris. I like that they are bright and colorful. They look free flowing and comfortable. Heck, if I were a woman, I'd wear one.

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5/12/2014 16:21:47

Don't you just love how being a mother helps us be more introspective. I've also started looking at my language more not that I have a little "shadow" mimicking everything I do and say. Good post! I'm adding you to my Bloglovin

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5/12/2014 19:50:01

I am guilty of saying "I'm Sorry" Allllll the time. It just comes out.

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5/12/2014 22:48:09

YES I apologize all the time. When I want the fight to be over with my husband even though I should be getting the apology. Or with any family or friend. And yes when my kids get hurt I will say I am sorry, but I didn't do it. I never thought of it as teaching them the wrong way of using the words I'm sorry, but it is! Thanks for your post it has thinking and watching how I use those 2 words.

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