I posed the question yesterday if I could get more people to sign up to read my blog vs' the Obama-care web site in the first day.  It was totally tongue and cheek but since I've been thinking about blogging for awhile- I decided to give it a go.  (or GEAUX- since I'm an LSU tiger fan!)

This entry is called Why my children booby trap the house.  Roger- get your head out of the gutter, this has nothing to do with boobies.  It has to do with traps. 

It started out very subtle.  A toy here.  A wrapper there.  Stuff pulled out from under the bed (yes-ok, we have stuff under our bed- I know it should have a proper home, but sometimes under the bed is the perfect spot.  But I digress...) so I couldn't get said child IN the bed without making noise.  (Did y'all ever hear that the artist that I will ALWAYS call Prince used to crumple up newspapers and scatter them around his bedoom so nobody would sneak in on him?- again, I digress.  Seeing a pattern here people?  It's hard for me to stay on topic.  I'm like a goldfish.  And forget about it if I see GLITTER!  oooohhhh... glitter....Any-who...) I noticed it mostly with Max.  He'd have barbed wire (ok, I can also stretch the truth a bit from time to time) in front of his crib.  Well, maybe it was just an action figure or a car but the fleshy side of my big foot will swear under oath that it felt like barbed wire.  The only time I noticed it was at naptime or bed time.  Until today.  

Today I was tag teamed.  I was trying to wash dishes and be a good housewife (I'm still new to this whole housewife thing so I'm still trying to figure out how to get it all done early and have the rest of the day for my bon-bons) when I noticed a shuffle shuffle behind me. Do we have a mouse?  Noooooo... we have a booby trapper.  The shuffle shuffle was thing two PULLING OUT THE OVEN DRAWER.  A. How does he know we have an oven drawer.  B.  I forgot we had one.  C.  You can tell I don't use that junk in there.  I think he planned on me not noticing, falling over backwards all cartoon style so he and thing 1 could play all day without supervision.  Sure, I get it kid- me not dolling out the proper amount of cookies, making you sit on your bottom and not letting you CLIMB ON EVERYTHING so you bust your head open is kind of a drag.  But really- pulling the old backwards trip thing.  Not going to work.  Today anyway.  

Then I hear what sounds like a circus vehicle approaching (de de de de de de deeeeeee.) What the what?!?!  Thing 1 is speeding towards me at top speed.  In his spiderman pajamas (am I allowed to say spiderman?  will I go to blog jail?  Am I violating a law? Let me add this disclaimer- spiderman is a super hero created by some comic company and not a vision of my own.  Jesus- do I need a lawyer now?) holding his treasure box.  (more about that in another post.  Unless I get arrested.  If I can't blog from jail send me self addressed stamped envelopes and I will write out the whole story.  Not like I'll have much else to do in the big house.  Damn super hero jammies!) He proceeded to ride back and forth BEHIND me while I was doing the dishes in the hopes that I what... fell backwards?  So he could be the boss for the day and pull all the books out of the book case and jump on the couches until dad made it home for the day?  Well no sir.  I didn't fall for it.  I went along my merry way washing dishes.  

It's a wonder I was even allowed to start cleaning because thing 2 booby trapped the sink.  (Please don't say something snarky like- well while you are at it wipe down that dirty dishwasher- I try, it just keeps little finger prints.  Didn't your mama ever tell you if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all?  Geesh.  You will miss me when I'm in jail and you will probably feel guilty for judging my finger-printy dishwasher.  Jerk.  

Katie Justice
11/4/2013 20:02:42

Definitely entertaining!!

Allison Guidry
11/4/2013 20:08:00

I love it!

11/4/2013 20:22:32

This is awesome! Love it!

11/4/2013 20:38:04

If you get sent to jail, I'll get a fingernail file made in a Muddy's cupcake. Not so much to break out, but because I can't have my sister in law having shabby fingernails!

11/4/2013 20:57:01

Love it!!!

11/4/2013 21:03:01

You're hysterical. I knew you could write! And how the hell do you have more comments on day 1 than I've had, like, ever??? You're my blogging hero.

11/4/2013 21:28:26

You crack me up! Definitely meant to blog!

Mary Lee
11/4/2013 22:25:40

Love it Kris!! Can't wait til the next post :)

11/5/2013 00:31:03

This is why you're my BFF. I love it and I need more.

Katherine Felts
11/5/2013 02:26:36

You have a gift with words! Love it!

Jessica Dwight
11/6/2013 03:55:43

Love love love it!! I can so relate having stepped on many an unseen toy--wait until they get into Legos! You will for sure go to trademark/blogger jail when you curse those pointy things. But don't worry--I know a lawyer who can help you out. But only if said jail is in LA.

11/11/2013 18:43:34

I LOVE IT !!!!

If you need a guest writer I am all yours babe!!!!!!!


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